Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
