Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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