I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
