I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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