just tell him i said nine months
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
