tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
