the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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