I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The cops high fived after they tackled you
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
