Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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