why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize