I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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