Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think a kid would responsible me up
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
