WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
