Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
