I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
