Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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