i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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