dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My vagina just clenched in fear
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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