U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
