I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
