so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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