Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
