alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize