doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
