On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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