I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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