we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
