I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
