By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
