she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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