he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
