Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i think my cat just said my name.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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