Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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