Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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