I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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