some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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