I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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