i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
