Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
