sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
