dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
