Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
