I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
