life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
