Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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