Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
