whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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