idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
