i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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