O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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