he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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