he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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