omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize