I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
