What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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