Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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