STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
