I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
