So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
