I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
