you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
