i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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