I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
