then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
