we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
