I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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