I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
