i may or may not be watching the land before time
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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