Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
